“I currently live and have always lived in what you would call a ‘filthy’ house. It’s really, really dirty and disgusting, but also a hoarder’s house,” 16-year-old Hayden Violet admitted in an honest and vulnerable post on TikTok. 

She shared that her family home plagued her childhood — not just the dynamic of those living there but also the physical space they occupied. She explained that her parents’ hoarding and cleaning tendencies affected her and her siblings, from their relationships and planning for the future to their self-worth and confidence.

The child of ‘hoarder parents’ admitted that her ‘filthy’ house deeply impacted her and her siblings. 

“Despite the fact that parents think that they’re only affecting themselves when they live in a house like this,” she said, “they’re also affecting their children.” 

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Although her dad has seemingly no embarrassment over the state of their home, that’s not the case for Violet’s mother. “My mom is humiliated by our house,” she said. “She apologizes over and over again when people come over.” 

While only 6% of Americans have a “hoarding disorder” that impacts their living space, it’s not uncommon for people to deal with other barriers to maintaining a clean home — whether it be time, stress, money, or simply lacking cleaning skills. 

Despite the current state of her home, Violet admitted that her family will often spend a full week cleaning — but only when people are expected to come over. 

“I can remember going on cleaning sprees for about a week beforehand and intensely cleaning every single room of the house because we needed to at least have it manageable before people came over,” she said. “And our manageable was not even clean.”

This process reinforced a kind of stress and urgency in the cleaning routine that she and her siblings picked up on: “Those were the most stressful days of my life. We were just cleaning for hours and hours all day long.” 

Not only have the siblings developed an unhealthy view of cleanliness, but they also struggle with anxiety in relationships as a result.

“There are two kinds of kids that come out of a hoarder’s house. It’s me and my siblings,” she said, explaining that she “obsessively cleans her room and keeps [her] space so organized that when others move things around, [she gets] intensely stressed out.” 

The lack of control that her parents bred impacted her perspective on her personal space and belongings, cultivating a sense of insecurity and anxiety in the place she’s supposed to feel most comfortable.

“Just as I was taught by my mom, I am incredibly anxious about messy spaces,” she said. “I don’t really leave my room currently, as I’m living [with my parents]. Outside of my room is the danger zone.” 

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Her siblings, however, have an entirely different outlook. According to Violet, they don’t know how to clean whatsoever, and she worries that they will repeat their parents’ habits in their future homes.

The state of her home has also made it difficult for Violet to maintain healthy relationships with others, as she worries about people’s perception of her. 

“People coming over to my house for the first time is honestly the most embarrassing scenario I can ever be in,” she said. “I’m aware of how messy my house is, but I’m trying to cover it up for whatever reason.”

“A majority of my friends have never seen my house, and they never will,” she added. “I just don’t trust them in that way yet and just honestly don’t want them to change their opinion of me.”

After facing criticism in the comments, Violet reminded viewers that it’s never a child’s responsibility to make up for their parents’ flaws.

After sharing her story and reflecting on how her parents influenced her and her siblings, she was unfortunately shocked to see the comments that started to flood in under the post. Not only were some of them violently ignorant — never having experienced something similar — but they also blamed her for her circumstances. 

“Why wouldn’t you just clean the house yourself?” one commenter wrote. “Your parents have to work … stress can be debilitating. It’s a space for you to live in.” 

Not only is it irresponsible to victim-blame a 16-year-old and her younger siblings for the living situation and environment of their home, but it’s also entirely inappropriate. 

“It is not my responsibility to teach myself as a teeny-tiny child to clean by myself,” she confidently responded in an updated video. “If I have parents around me that don’t know how to clean … I’m not going to grow up knowing how.” 

“Who has the time to put in energy when nobody else around is helping?” she continued. “This video was created for the kids who could never have friends over … who to this day can’t have a significant other because you have anxiety left over.” 

Violet’s situation serves as a reminder that our parents truly wield incredible power over our lives. Even the mundane, day-to-day schedules they engage in can leave a lasting impact on who their children grow into as adults. 

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Zayda Slabbekoorn is a News & Entertainment Writer at YourTango who focuses on health & wellness, social policy, and human interest stories.