First Love: Essays on Friendship by Lilly Dancyger

What’s It About?

Each essay in this collection is grounded in a close female friendship in Dancyger’s life, reaching outward to dissect cultural assumptions about identity and desire, and the many ways women create space for each other in a world that wants us small.

To love someone, I have always understood, is to keep them safe.

In a world that is so fixated on romantic relationships, Lilly Dancyger’s First Love gives us a refreshing and fervent deep dive into the profound bond formed between women.

After tragedy struck, Dancyger felt a newfound urgency in the devotion to the women in her life.  This book was born from the harsh realization that life is too short and it’s important to hold our loved ones close to us while we still can.

Explores Beauty and Challenges

These essays are rooted in pop culture and literary references such as Sylvia Path and Tumblr “sad girls”, which weave a rich tapestry allowing something for everyone to connect with. Dancyger isn’t afraid of broaching topics that shine a light on how messy the human experience can be, acknowledging that conflict is inevitable even with the people we are closest to. The important thing is having the patience and grace to move forward because of the impact these relationships have on us and how they will shape our lives.

From the beginning, you understand that this book goes far beyond simple storytelling and is inviting the reader to explore the beauty and challenges that female friendships hold. Throughout the collections, Dancyger makes a choice to show how love doesn’t have to be confined to a romantic nature, encouraging us to embrace the many facets of human connection.

The idea that the very things that have made you feel different and wrong are not only impressive and romantic, but they can connect you with someone else, is intoxicating. Irresistible. It feels like acceptance and absolution, like being fully seen and loved for exactly who you are.

The Importance of Community

One aspect of this book that stands out to me among its many attributes is its vulnerability. This collection of essays is an open window to Dancyger’s complex journey with grief and identity. She invites us into the intimate spaces she shares with her closest friends that allow us to bear witness to the bonds that have shaped her life in many ways.

While reading, I noticed a recurring theme: the importance of community. Throughout this collection, Dancyger stresses all the ways in which women come together to create space for one another in a world that is constantly trying to drown out their voices. Her theme of oppression is very relevant today which only adds another layer of truth to an already bold book.

Something I was shocked to find out was Dancyger originally set out to write a true crime memoir about the circumstances of her cousin’s death. It was meant as a way to deal with the trauma of losing such a close family member while also trying to get her cousin’s story out to the world. What she ended up writing instead is a story of femineity, love and hope which I think is so beautiful.

Love Letter to the Power of Friendship

First Love is a love letter to the power of friendship and the many ways it can hold us up and get us through strenuous times throughout our lives. This is a book whose main goal is to celebrate all the complexity, beauty and significance of female friendships and to encourage us to keep diving into the radiant bonds that tie us together.

It is also there to remind us not to confine ourselves to a single definition of love, but to open ourselves up to an entire spectrum. Even though you might not be able to perfectly relate to each essay, the overall messages of friendship, struggle, grief and love are ones that I believe will resonate with everyone.

Publish Date: 5/7/2024

Genre: Memoir, Nonfiction

Author: Lilly Dancyger

Page Count: 224 pages

Publisher: The Dial Press

ISBN: 9780593447574