Straight men should not be allowed to write about Kylie Minogue, particularly if they’re not even Australian. And that certainly includes Chris Martin, a man so heterosexual that he once “consciously uncoupled” with Gwyneth Paltrow, then ended up with a woman equally disdainful of the Marvel Universe. The Coldplayer wrote Minogue’s blurb for Time’s 100 most powerful people list released on April 17. Martin does not mention any specific songs or albums of Minogue’s. He does not mention her 2023 resurgence via “Padam Padam.” And he does not mention her relationship to her gay fans, despite the way that “Padam” took over Pride last year. Instead, he focuses on how it felt for him to meet Minogue for the first time.

“Kylie Minogue was one of the first people I ever met from TV,” Martin writes. “She was a pop star, and I had watched her in Neighbours every day for a decade. So when she came to an early Coldplay show, I’d already been her fan for nearly 15 years.” Sure, sure, nice story, Mr. Martin, but Neighbours is not the reason she’s on the Time 100 list this year. It’s time to get into the specifics. It’s time to let a gay Aussie take over. Maybe let Courtney Act write about Kylie Minogue next time, please.